About 4 months ago we hit that fork in the road .. the one where you have to decide whether you will continue to be married or not. Honestly, I didn't see that fork coming. I always thought we would drive straight and forward. I knew there would be detours and stop signs, definitely yield signs and even the occasional stalled vehicle on the side of the road. But I didn't anticipate the fork.
We had just come out of that season .. the one where we had two children in under two years. They were now out of the baby stage, the diaper stage, the non-sleeping stage. Things were finally getting easier. But, when you have been in that stage for the better part of 3 1/2 years, and you have neglected your marriage out of sheer exhaustion and complacency, you all of a sudden find yourself slamming on the brakes at that fork in the road because you have no choice. You are there.
We made the right turn, and by that I mean the correct one. We chose to not only continue to be married, but to start making real changes to make our marriage better. Neither of those decisions were easy ones. The decisions required us to seek the help of a LifeCoach, to give up things that we each enjoyed in order to give to the other, and to change the way we love each other. I am sure you know that it takes two to make the changes and make it work. I was willing to do whatever it took. But was Rick?
He was.
And he does, everyday.
It hasn't been easy for me, or for him.
But we do it. He does it. I can't, or won't, go into every detail of what Rick has had to do to show me that he loves me and that he is committed to me. It's taken a lot. It continues to take a lot. I have many insecurities, but he meets each one head on even if it means there will be a crash. And I crash a lot. But, he's right there with me, doing what it takes every time.
I'll end with telling you something I appreciate that he does for/with me. Part of what we are trying to be better about is including each other in our day, and ending the night with each other. Now that school is back in session, we work together to get the kids in bed by 8:30, which means they are down and not coming back out by 9:00. We want to be ready to sit together by 9:00 without any further interruptions. He helps me get the kitchen cleaned up, the house picked up and the kids bathed and ready for bed. That is a huge help! And he gets to reap the benefits of having me to himself after that is all done. But, poor guy, that REALLY means he has to sit and watch the insane reality t.v. shows I like and that I have DVR'd. Last night it was "More to Love" (seriously, WHY do we torture ourselves with that show?), "Project Runway" (I think he secretly does like this one) and "Models of the Runway" (we really just want to see who doesn't get picked). There are probably MANY things he would rather be doing from 9-10:30 every night. But, he sits there with me and suffers through, just for the chance to spend time with me.
Rick Rocks ~ Because He Does What it Takes
great post! I bet it helps many out there who are afraid to say it but they may be at the fork! :)
ReplyDeleteI dont' watch those but i have my reality shows I love: Biggest Loser, Next FoodNetwork Star, me and my girls LOVED American Idol when David Cook won!
hope you have a great weekend! we are going to the children's farm for my daughters 9th bday! no party we already did that just family! :)
This is such a good post. I think a lot of times people don't realize how much time and effort it takes to make a marriage good and sound. Even many Christian couples face problems. I speak for experience, though I won't go into detail here. ;) Life can play tricks and get in the middle of things and before you know it, you can feel like you don't even know your spouse anymore. I applaud you guys for finding someone to help! Sometimes it does take an outsider's point of view to help things get back on track. And that's ok! I'm glad to see you guys are "doing what it takes!" :)
ReplyDeleteAnd by the way, I think my husband secretly likes Project Runway too! I've never watched it until recently when there was a marathon on TV from a past season, and he sat there with me the entire time and enjoyed it. ha!!
As for those smoothies, we just throw in whatever we have...there's no measurement really. Sometimes it's bananas and strawberries, maybe an apple, blueberries or even kiwis. We've even used some of that frozen orange juice in a can. I think you have to experiment to find what you like. I don't think you can go wrong!!
And now I'll understand what "potato shoes" are! ha! I thought of you the other night because I bought some Teva type sandals at Kohl's (Sketchers brand, on sale for $9.99 originally $50) and they reminded me of a type of "potato shoe." ha!!!
gosh, sorry for the epic comment! holy cow, I'm wordy today!
Nicole, Thanks for the honesty and dedication you two are putting into the sacred place called marriage. Yes, it is worth it and it is work. After all the Hebrews had to fight to get back into the promise land and we have to fight to get back what the devil is trying to steal from us. I am reading a book called "The Wonderful Marriage you always dreamed of" by Gary Smalley. It is so good and speaks of the core fears that cause us to react the way we do in situations that conflict. I also bought my daughter Tami two series on line about strenghing marriage/communication ... these are listed on the Smalley site. Her and Chris are trying to pull themselves together but going about it in a godly way this time. The results are amazing! I am so very proud of you and Rick and know that this battle has rewards too numerous to count. I praise God for the Godly example you are setting for your kids and those who are watching. Pastor David is preaching in the connection about "illuminating the dark areas that satan gets into" and you two have done just that. Robbing a couple of the "together time" is a sneeky way to "get in". Continue to date Rick and have quality time away from the kids to nuture you two. That was the biggest mistake my husband and I made. Raising a family tends to take all your attention away from the very ones who started this wonderful family. Remember the fun things you did as a couple in the beginning and recapture some of that. Nice quiet walks at the river park, or day trips to the lake just to "veg" and communicate as a couple. We are always changing and we tend to forget to stay in touch with eachoter's dreams, wishes, hurts, fears, etc. We just assume we know all there is and that is a lie that futhur seperate us. Keep up the hard work and fight for that which is yours. ILY you girl and miss you very much. I have thought of you the past months and have prayed for you not knowing what was happening. You were just heavy on my heart. God Bless,
ReplyDeleteIt give me such joy to read this...so glad the fork didn't take you down...
ReplyDeletealways cheering you on,
Steph