Don't get me wrong. I really do love summer break and spending more time with my kids. I love to plan activities, go to the library, go swimming and to the waterpark, go to the zoo (when it's not 115 degrees), take them on adventures and a mini-vacation.
But there is this part of me. It's the part that has a psychological need to have alone time and routine and order. It's a sickness. Honestly, I think it is. I get over-stimulated very easily ... too much touch, too much noise, too much light.
So having someone, or many someones, with me all day every day for 12 weeks straight really wears me down!
I get up extra early in the morning (instead of sleeping in) just to get in some time to myself. If I didn't, I would seriously go insane!
I just want to be able to slip into my bathroom for a shower and to get ready without "company".
I just want to have a night at home with our family and only our family, instead of other kids, significant others, neighbors ringing the doorbell, etc.
I wear down from what I call the "free-for-all" where there is a different combination of people with me at all times. Especially with teenagers! One's gone, another has one or more friends over, they need to go here and then there and then 'can someone different come over here and then can you take us there?' Like yesterday, we had to take the BFF and boyfriend with us (love them both!) with her to get her braces off, then ate, then dropped them off at BFF's, then they went to a baseball game (delivered by BFF's parents). Then I had to take Dawson to church, then pick him up later, then Rick had to pick up Kyndal from the baseball game. That's what pretty much every day looks like. This morning has been similar, already.
I have lots of company during the summer, but none of them are over the age of 15.
And I'm not really a people person, so I find myself wanting to say (and sometimes actually saying it), "This is a big house. Do you think you could go into another part of it?"
And then I read the blog of my friend Megan whose sweet baby only lived a couple of weeks this summer. And I feel overwhelmingly guilty that, at least at this time in her life, she doesn't have any little one to drive her crazy all summer. I am sure she would kill for that opportunity. I am sure that hearing me complain about spending too much time with my kids and their friends would make her angry.
Unfortunately it doesn't negate the fact that I am ready for my kids to go back to school. I will have one at home, teaching him. But, believe me, he likes his alone time too! So, I'm quite certain after he and I spend a few hours together every morning doing schoolwork that he will be more than happy to give me my space in the afternoons.
There is no doubt that I will take full advantage of the next two weeks of summer with my kids. Because that's me. And, I will even stay "in the moment" to make sure I take advantage of my time with them. And I will enjoy that time!
But, this mama might still have a small smile on her face on August 18th when she pulls back into the driveway after dropping her kids off at school.
Yes, she might.