(Lots of) Thoughts on Thursday ~ Freedom

I have to share something that has happened to me today. To some this will be no big deal.  To others, I hope I can help provide you with some freedom as well.

God is good!

I am keenly aware that God is at work in everything that I do, even to the minute little details of my day.  I am also keenly aware that satan is at work trying to thwart God's plans at all times.

This morning I overslept by about 45 minutes.  I forgot to turn on my alarm.  I always get up at 6:00 to do my quiet time with God and then to exercise.  These are the two things (along with my several cups of coffee) that get me through my hectic days.  This morning I was going to finish the last 2 1/2 pages of my Bible study lesson on Esther.  So, I didn't have time to do my study or exercise.  On top of that, I miscalculated what time we needed to leave the house to get to Bible study and realized that I only had 20 minutes to get up both Eli and Brynne, get them ready, fix my wet hair and get out the door.  There was no way. I mentally decided I would skip Bible study, because of those reasons and because Eli was whining about not wanting to go to "his class" there. I was just going to take Brynne to preschool and come home. But, something within me just got fired up and we left the house about 15 minutes late, still plenty of time to go to Bible study.  Eli had calmed down by then, so we went on.

Satan tried TWO TIMES to keep me away!!  He used my absentmindedness twice to keep me from setting my alarm and to keep me from getting us out the door on time.

I want you to know that I did recognize the work of the enemy in all of this and I thought, "man there must be something I am needing to hear."

And there was.

There were two very distinct things.

In the 2 1/2 pages I didn't read held the answer to a problem I am having right now with Dawson.  It was right there on those pages.  And there was scripture to back it up.  Dawson is changing right now, if you know what I mean.  And along with hormonal changes comes memory problems and lack of focus, as well as emotions that are hard to deal with.  I remember this myself, and I remember it with Kyndal, but it still has taken me by surprise.  He is going through some physical changes as well as emotional ones.  I am really struggling with him on some of this.  And, it's hard for him at times because he has such a carefree personality that is sometimes difficult in our structured home life.  I don't ever want to stifle his creative and playful side, because those qualities are so awesome!  But, at times I find I do.

How do I help him to be who he is authentically, while at the same time living within the confounds of our household? How do I get across to him that life is not all about play, that he will have difficulties in his adult life if he doesn't have self-control and give all of himself to his responsibilities??  I have seen how these qualities in him can have a negative impact, and I want to help him take his God-given talents and use them to God's glory and to his joy and happiness!  The problem?  I don't share that personality, Rick does not share that personality, so it's difficult for us.  

God spoke to me through 1 Timothy 4:12-15 and gave me direction on how to help him use his gifts!  I was so overwhelmed with this message from God that I almost wanted to shout right in the middle of my small group!! Thank you Lord!  I can't wait to talk to Dawson about it.

God is so good.

And then I went to the video portion of Bible study.  We have been studying the Book of Esther through the teachings of Beth Moore.  Each week the lesson has a sentence that says, "It's Tough Being a Woman ..." and each week it's different.  Two weeks ago we studied a topic, that I guess just wasn't for me at that moment.  I didn't really take much from it.

But today, the study revisited it and said, "It's Tough Being a Woman who feels responsible for the How".  I am experiencing this with Dawson and with so many other things right now!  As a woman, a wife and mom, I want to FIX EVERYTHING AND EVERYONE!  I want to help everyone! And it burdens me!  

I have been so burdened and sad because I can't fix every problem my husband or kids are having!  And I dwell on it!  I can't take 6 completely different people and make us get along every minute of every day!  I can't make each of us love each other how we are supposed to!  I can't make each of us respect each other how we are supposed to!  I can't keep my kids from having hurts from other people!  I can't make my family members make decisions that are all good!  I can't have all the answers for every problem and circumstance!  I CAN'T DO IT!!  Lord knows I have been trying .. and I have been miserable!  I feel like I need to be God in every situation or "Junior God" as Beth Moore put it.  I don't know how to do these things!

... but God knows how.

2 Peter 2:9 ... "the Lord knows how to rescue godly men from trials and to hold the unrighteous for the day of judgment."

Psalm 103:14 ... "for He knows how we are formed, He remembers that we are dust."

I don't have to know the How!  I have to trust the God who does!  Hallelujah!!!

I remember many years ago.  Kyndal and Dawson's dad has just moved out of state after our divorce leaving me to physically care for a 5 and 3 year old alone.  I had no family, no strong core of friends.  I was alone.  I had always believed that I was a strong, independent woman who could take care of herself and her family.  And I could, physically.  But, I was weary and overwhelmed and alone and sad and angry!  I sat on the couch one night, in the dark, after they had gone to bed and sobbed and sobbed and cried out loudly to God!  I couldn't hardly even form words except just to say, "I can't do this!  I don't know how!  You have to help me!"  I sobbed until I was exhausted and went to bed.  I woke up the next morning with a huge weight lifted off my shoulders and such peace and inner encouragement.  You see, I had let God have the "how" of that situation and I began seeking Him for His wisdom in it.  And He has continually taught me what to do and when and how.

I guess I've been trying to take back the responsibility because I feel much that way again right now.  I just feel such a weight of responsibility.  But this morning, during that lesson, I just sat and cried. I thanked God right there for that Word. I don't have to know the How .. I just have to trust the God who does and seek His wisdom.

We are never going to fret ourselves to victory.  Trust and faith is the victory.  Trusting God for what He has done is just thanks.  Trusting Him before He's done anything is victory.

The other lesson today was "It's Tough Being a Woman who can balance passion with patience." I just need to remember that God is waiting along with me for that thing, those things, I am passionate about. There's something, a reason, that the wait is for.  There's a reason it hasn't happened yet, and God is as passionate about it as me.