Monday, October 13, 2008
I'm feeling a little down today. I have a tad-bit of a cold that could be contributing. But, it's more than that. Every once in a while I just have one of those days where I feel inadequate, that my priorities are all out of whack. I have a list of priorities that I try to live my life by: God, husband, children, home, my needs and then other's needs. Unfortunately the squeaky wheel gets the most oil (aka attention). Sunday afternoons seem to be particularly hard. I believe it's an attack of the enemy after a spiritual high at church. The kids tend to take the highest priority in my life, at the exclusion of other things. And when that happens then my whole world feels out of sync. I know that I put the kids first because I spend the most time with them and my relationships with them are the strongest. You spend time with those you feel the closest to. I hate it when I allow that to happen, though, because then I begin to feel so distant from everyone and everything else. I have no balance. And then I'm miserable. I know what is the correct order of priorities in my life to provide joy and peace, I just have a hard time keeping those priorities in their correct alignment. I feel crummy today because I know I have allowed that to happen, again, and I have neglected, primarily, Rick. We don't fight, we just feel distant. Well, I can't speak for him, but that's how I feel. And it is at no fault of his, but of mine, because I have allowed my priorities to get out of line. Usually I can pray about that, repent and consciously try to get things back on track. But he left at 4:30 this morning for a business trip and won't be back until Thursday, but we're leaving Wednesday to go to Missouri and won't be back until Sunday. I hate leaving things "unresolved". He might not even know there is a "problem", but I suspect he does. The last time this happened, was on 9/11 ... yes, THAT 9/11. We were "out of alignment" that had kindof come to a head, and then he left for a business trip early that next morning and it was then that the terrorist attack occured. I remember thinking, "What if he would have been on one of those planes? I left things unresolved and I'd have had to live with that for the rest of my life." We should never allow that to happen. This too shall pass, I know. We have a good solid marriage and we always work through our issues. I guess I just need prayer. I don't like the "old" me who puts everything before her husband. I absolutely KNOW that everything works itself out in a joyful and peaceful manner when God's priorities are being lived in my life. So pray for me today, and contiuously, that my selfish person goes away, and I remember my priorities and live them accordingly.
Posted by Nicole at 10:39 AM