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Tuesday, May 5, 2009


Here's a question ~ Is it okay to change for someone else?

Do not read anything into that question!!

I've had that question posed to me, and it got me thinking. Then with the two good friends of mine who e-mailed me today whose marriages almost ended yesterday, it really got me thinking.

Of course, we need to change for the benefit of ourselves. But, sometimes, do we make changes for someone else that benefit us as well?  

For instance, I was a "fun girl" before I had children.  I liked to drink and smoke.  But, at some point I decided I should change that part of me for the benefit of my children.  (I was never a drunk or a chain smoker, but I just had fun doing it!) I still, after all these years, crave a good cigarette .. craving one right now!  I haven't had one in 8 years this month. I loved smoking! I didn't do it for long, but I loved it!  But I know that it would upset my children if I did it, so I don't.  I changed a part of myself for the benefit of someone else and in the process benefitted myself.

I think I feel the same way about molding and changing myself, some of the person that I am. If what I am doing or a way I am acting causes someone I love pain, or unhappiness, shouldn't I want to make changes for them?  And in the process, become freer and better myself??  My answer to that is yes! There is balance, I know that. I don't want someone's total happiness at the end of the day to be based on what I did or didn't do that day. That never works! That kind of inner happiness can only come from the Lord, so I pray that for every person I love.  I can't be anyone's lord or savior.  But to say I'm not going to change because "this is just the person I am", seems selfish to me.  Just because we are the person we are doesn't mean that's necessarily good.

What do you think?

I wish it was as easy at quitting smoking.


  1. Very well written! I am so wrapped up in this right now, my head is spinning.

  2. I agree, it is okay to change for others. I think one of the most powerful things that couples can pray in a marriage is for the Lord to change them into the person their spouse needs them to be. It would be totally selfish to think that everyone else had to change to suit ourselves.

  3. I think change for the better is always good. I am divorced and I remember my ex-husband always saying "you want to change me, I am who I am the day you married me" which I excepted. But I believe if anyone expects the best out of you, it's God. I did change for my children, my husband, my mother, my friends, but only for the best. All of those relationships have thrived (new husband) because of my willingness to change. The ones that have dies (old husband) is because I wasn't willing to change for the worst, like going out drinking, smoking, gossiping, ...etc.


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